Have you ever been invited to someone’s home and not been quite sure why?  Or have you joined a group but not known where you fit in?   I have had both experiences.  This passage of scripture seems like it is simply some advice on good etiquette like checking with “Miss Manners.”  If you want to make a good impression, this is what you should do.

Jesus says, don’t embarrass yourself by taking the place of honor because it might be reserved for another guest.  Simply take a lower seat, and then you can always be invited to a higher place.  Obviously, this is addressing a culture that was more structured than our present day casual society.  We do not have such a stratified seating arrangement at most of our functions.  But was Jesus just giving social tips to his disciples, or was he pointing our something deeper? 

The act of eating together had important significance in Jesus’ day as it does in our society.  Who is at your table makes a statement louder than your words.  This certainly was true during the demonstrations that helped to usher in the civil rights era.  Sitting at the lunch counters and picketing restaurants that would serve only whites were major challenges to the place that white America had reserved for African-Americans.  To sit at table with others signifies an intimacy of relationship that goes beyond the casual.  Later at the Last Supper Jesus will highlight the importance of sitting at table with him as key to our understanding of who we are. 

In this passage Jesus points out his concerns both with the guests who claim the wrong place at the table, as well as with the host (in verses 12-14) who have improper motives for inviting their guests – so they can be invited to their house. 

The guests who come to dinner do so with expectations that they are the honored guests.  They begin to jockey for the best seat.  Now we are smarter than that!  I have noticed that people will mill around until the host or hostess indicates where to sit.  Of course, the problem is “we don’t know which chair would be the seat of honor.”  If we did, maybe we would have a problem, too.

But Jesus, here, says the real problem is not about any external pecking order but about what is inside each of us.  Not external location, but internal valuation determines the place of honor.  Those seeking the higher place of honor are exalting themselves.  Their pride is getting in the way.  They will be humbled.  While others who have a right spirit will be honored.  This is the tricky part.  How is one humble?  We have probably all witnessed the false humility of one who really thought more of herself/himself than they were letting on.  Or maybe you have been in that place yourself.  The other side of the coin is just as slippery.  Do we think enough of ourselves?

Those who have attempted to recruit volunteers, either for committees or a nomination committee attempting to recruit people to serve as elders and deacons, know the problem.  People respond that they aren’t good enough.  They couldn’t teach a Christian Ed. Class because they don’t know enough, or  they  don’t  know how to teach, etc.  Or they may feel they aren’t good enough to be a deacon or an elder.  Sometimes you get the feeling that Christians can’t claim their strengths.  That if you are to be humble, you have to act as though you can’t do anything.

I wonder how those who think that way believe God is honored by their life.  I suspect that little Amelia (whom we will baptize in a few minutes) will not bring honor to her parents if she insists that she is not good enough to go to school, or to play an instrument, or participate in a sport of her choosing.  What will bring honor to her parents will be willingness to try and to discover her gifts and abilities, and then to do her best.  She will not have to be THE best, only HER best.  To be humble is to discover ones abilities, talents, and gifts and then to use them for the benefit of others.

It really is not humility that keeps us from trying something new.  It’s pride. It is fear that our pride might be hurt if we do not succeed.  Neither the guests nor the host/hostess have a healthy sense of self.  Each needed conformation from outside themselves.  Jesus calls us to be other focused, not self-concerned.  One who loves herself/himself does not need to sit in the place of honor and does not need to seek a return invitation from her/his guest in order to validate one’s being. 

Isn’t the real question whether or not we love ourselves?  We know ourselves and want to belong and sometimes wonder, if others knew me like I know me, would they want me around?  This past week we had another public figure confess improprieties in his personal life. While we do not excuse his behavior, are we able to look into  our  own mirrors and see our own limitations?  And then can we claim what we see in the mirror?

In the sixties a popular book was entitled I’m OK, You’re OK.  It was a book that helped many to face themselves and accept their limitations.  While I believe there was much of value in that book, theologically, it needs a corrective.  A more accurate statement is “I’m not OK, you’re not OK, but that’s OK.”  Humility is claiming our shortcomings yet hearing God’s affirmation of us.  We can love ourselves because of God’s rich love of us.  When we internalize this, we then can have a right spirit in us that does not need external supports.  Jesus points us to this healthy self.  Jesus invites us to self-examination and self-love.

So how then will good self-esteem benefit the Body of Christ: the church?  Let me suggest five ways that having a healthy self will enrich the community. 

First: 

It will help each of us to claim our place in the church.  We will be able to discover our gifts and affirm the gifts in others. 

Second: 

It will allow us to Prize one another!

“Be devoted to one another, honor one another.”  When is that last time you have told a deacon or elder, that you prize them.  Have you told those who have touched your life in a positive way how much you are thankful for their presence in your life? 

Third: 

It will create a climate in which it is ok to fail, but exciting to grow.  We give our children permission to fail.  Who us would take our little child into the living room, set up the video camera, gather the relatives and then say, ok here is your one chance to walk.  If you don’t you will be a failure so make it good.  No! We prop them up time and time again.  Can we do that for each other as adults? Norman Vincent Peale had a sign on his desk that said: “The Lord CAN do something with failures, but CAN’T use those who will never try!” 

            A Fourth benefit to the church is:

It will effect our authority problems in the Church. Many problems are caused in the church by those who  have poor self esteem because they perceive authority as over against them rather than working for their benefit.  Healthy egos can accept differences of opinion and not need to have everyone think and act like themselves. 

            Fifth: 

We can trust the work of the Spirit in others as well as in ourselves.  If we have a balanced perspective of ourselves, we can trust that life is a process.  We are not all in the same place, and we will choose to recognize God at work in each other,  even  though  we may see things differently.  

When we are invited by Jesus to sit at his table, it doesn’t matter WHERE we sit.  We do not come with rank  or  office  but  with  the  awareness  that  we  are invited by grace.  We are not obliged to return the offer – in fact, we are not even able.  But we can experience the reward of “the resurrection of the righteous, NOT because we have attained righteousness, but, because of Jesus, God sees us so. Thanks be to God!